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| The universe, Source: Pixabay |
A Prosaic Introduction
Hello! My name is Kevin Monreal, I am currently a senior at OU, finally. One of the coolest things about my major, Information Studies, is the flexibility that it gives you to pursue your own path and interests. I want to use my degree to work in the IT industry, I already work part-time for OU IT where I'm obtaining valuable experience. In the future, I am hoping to focus more on the realm of cybersecurity. Last semester was a great semester for me, my two favorite classes were data mining and website design; I know they sound really boring for some people but I found them interesting, and I learned a lot. Last semester, apart from passing all my classes, a significant accomplishment was getting a 4.0 for the semester, finally bringing my GPA out of life support. I have lots of hobbies. I like to read, the most recent books that I read were "Beyond Good and Evil" by Friedrich Nietzsche, "The Alchemist" by Paulo Cohelo, and "Norse Mythology" by Neil
Hey Kevin, to start with, that last line of your story, when the lake explains why it liked looking at Narcissus? 10/10 excellent, would read again ‘cause I swear I felt a chill down my back. Broadly speaking I really like your twist on the original myth; it’s got character flipping and new twists, all the fun stuff. It is a little weird reading that Juno took pity on someone; definitely not something that happens a lot in the original myths lol. If you want to expand on the story, maybe write about where Echo vanished to, or at minimum be a little more specific? Honestly, even just saying “she vanished into everywhere” would wrap it up; I’m just really picky about leaving loose threads in a story, and if you expand on that maybe the characters would end up with a tragically happy ending. I’m definitely interested to see what story you flip around next!
ReplyDeleteHey Kevin!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, in personal taste, I always prefer Greek names to Roman. But, Ovid was Roman, and so the gods are as well.
Your writing is really eloquent, and fits the Ovid style really well. The intricate descriptions really express the divine aspects of the characters, especially Echo's voice and Narcissus's beauty. One thing that caught me off-guard was Narcissus having no voice - it seemed a little thrown in, like trouble for the sake of trouble. Maybe throwing in some sort of mention to it in his creation would have helped it seem less random.
Your website is super nice! Your experience with web design definitely shows through, and I hope to be able to apply some of the design principles to my own when I get to polishing it. After reading your first draft/run of this story, I'm happy to see the improvements made to it. I can't wait to read more of your stories!
Hey Kevin, I think you did a great job on the website so far, and it really creates an experience for the website visitor, and I really appreciate the whole atmosphere of it. I loved reading your first story and I think I actually got chills reading it. Your storytelling ability is fantastic and the way that you crafted and made the setting of the story and the characters your own was really unique and wonderful in terms of writing. I cannot wait to read more! I also liked how you put your own personal twist on the original source material for the story and made it recognizable for familiar readers, but changed it to make a new point. I liked the flow of the writing and I felt like I was reading a myth written by Homer himself.
ReplyDeleteHey Kevin!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I just want to say thanks for being willing to share your stories with us this semester! I’m looking forward to seeing where all you go with your portfolio. The setup of the site looks great so far!
I love how you chose to retell and revise this story of Echo and Narcissus. Anytime you’re working to revise and rework, the challenge is to keep the elements of the original while using some measure of license to add your own touch and flair. I think you did a really good job of that here. The change of having Echo be the one punished by the gods was a great choice. The story has the same moral, don’t test or blaspheme the gods, but just gives the story a different feel.
Thank you again for this story! Best of luck with what the rest of the semester has to offer.
- JD
Hey there Kevin,
ReplyDeleteFirst off the home page of your story book is very captivating with the image of the galaxy and I like your you included the same image on your comment wall. The story of Echo and Narcissus was very easy to follow with how you had it broken up into its sections. The banner image you chose for that story was very relative to the story and I appreciate that. I greatly enjoyed your twist on this original myth, with some flipping of the characters in the story. And your experience in web design definitely showed through with your creation of your website, it is very organized and blends very well. After seeing yours I definitely think I need to go tidy mine up and try to bring it up to the standards of yours. Overall this was a great story and I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Hey, Kevin!
ReplyDeleteYou've got a really great start on your project here! The galaxy theme on your homepage makes me think that we're headed in a very vast, sweeping direction and I can't wait to see what the ultimate theme will be.
As for your Echo and Narcissus story, I really like the alterations that you made to the original tale. I think your version gives the characters more personality and highlights the fallible nature that Greek and Roman gods had in ancient mythology. It's refreshing to see all-powerful deities sometimes have their plans shirked by figures like Echo. I also thought it was an interesting take on things to make Narcissus a sympathetic figure -- normally he's obnoxious and hard to side with, but your Narcissus is pitiable. What inspired you to write him from a different perspective?
I'm excited to read the next installment in your portfolio! Good luck!
Hi Kevin!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I'll comment on Echo and Narcissus.
I love how you rewrote the roles of all of the characters so the plot was similar, but the meaning changed completely - the Lake taking on Narcissus' role as the narcissist was very clever. Also,t the cover image suits the story well.
I do wonder about a few characters - who is Nemesis? Is Jupiter a chronic cheater? That seemed implied but you could probably make it more explicit.
In regards to Bata's Story:
I think the way you combined two different stories and made up some plot of your own was very creative! It came out really well in that sense.
One thing I'd keep an eye on is the clarity of the story. There were a couple of points where I felt a little confused. The first was at the beginning when you explained how the deal with the Genie worked (taking away one third of the punishment for each story). I think you could clarify that really well by incorporating some dialogue and telling that whole section in the present tense. The second part was where the protagonist tells his brother how to help him if he's in trouble - I had to read that sentence a few times to get it. Could you explain at that point how exactly the brother will help him?
Over all, I'm really impressed with your inventiveness.
Hey Kevin,
ReplyDeleteFor the story of Echo and Narcissus, your writing style really did make me feel like I was reading an original myth. The flow of action and descriptions of what happened in the story really mirrored the same pattern as the stories I have been reading for this class. I did like the part where Echo's part of the story explained where our word echo comes from since she had to echo everyone's words if they spoke to her. The switch in vanity was fairly executed, and I believe both versions seem to give a useful moral to the story. On another note, your choice of images is really spot on. They have a high quality, and they seem to be related to what is on each page. The picture for this comment wall specifically is beautiful to look at with all the different colors. Something really minor I noticed in your footer for the link to the comment wall was that you have the spelling "Blooger" when I think you meant "Blogger." Besides small changes like that, your work is really great!
Hey Kevin! I really liked how your theme is like a galaxy theme on the first page which actually looks very captivating too! For your story of Echo and Narcissus, it was really well written! I like how you broke it up into sections which made it easier to comprehend. The way you described your characters and the vivid imagery you provided, made the story better for me to visualize. The dialogue helped me understand the characters and know how they felt/thought too. If I did not read the author’s note, I would have assumed it was the original myth’s story! The way you wrote your story was very good because I could see the purpose or moral of the story. And your blog is the first mythological blog I have read that is not in Indian Epics. So far, I really do enjoy your story!
ReplyDeleteHi Kevin,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I really like the design of your portfolio site. It's so clean and simple and very easy to read. I liked both of your stories. Your storytelling story was straightforward and I thought you did a really good job changing these stories. If I didn't know some of the original stories I would have no idea that you had changed them. In particular, I liked your Echo and Narcissus story. I really loved your twist on the original tale, giving both of the characters more agency and making Echo the villain was a fun and interesting twist. I also liked that you gave Narcissus a nicer spin for how he comes to stare into the lake. My only criticism is that when Vulcan gives Echo her punishment I felt like there were too many yous and ands. It kind of made the sentence confusing to me.
Hi Kevin,
ReplyDeleteLove love love the images you are using! They are so fun and really drew me in! I liked your take and changes Echo & Narcissus. I think it is interesting how your reversed the roles. I would have never seen Echo as the villain and enjoyed the different version and insight to your creative mind. Your dialogue really made me feel like I knew where the characters were coming from and got to know them on a deeper level! Keep up the excellent work!!
Hey Kevin,
ReplyDeleteI love both of your stories so far. The way you changed the story of Echo and Narcissus was really creative. I would not have guessed the changes you made since they flowed so smoothly, however, I think your story is much more intricate than the original. The way you added the Lake who appears at first to be in love with Narcissus but then it turns out it is just in love with itself is pretty awesome.
As for your second story, I also wrote the story of the third old man in one of my weekly stories but I think yours is even more marvelous than mine. I also love the way you changed the ending to align with Aladdin's story. Since Scheherazade tells both stories it really connects them together making it seem like she purposefully strung them out in order to stay alive longer. Kind of "if you want to know what happens to the genie in the lamp, you are going to have to wait until I get to that story".
As far as your website goes, it was pretty easy to navigate. You might add more description to your home page to let your readers know what you are going to be writing about but other than that, I think it was great. I will be checking back.
-Elyse
Hi Kevin! I am part of the Indian Epics (IE) class so it was super fun to read stories from the Mythology and Folklore class! I really enjoyed reading Bata's story. There is a similar plot line in IE compared to M&F, which involves trickery. At the end of your story you had Bata trap the Genie regardless of the Genie letting the old man go! I like that the Genie finally got what he deserved for torturing the old man for a year. Your setup and flow of the story was done well too! I can't wait to read more of your stories later on!
ReplyDeleteHey again Kevin!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy how you've changed the first story since the last time I read it. You really managed to integrate the voiceless Narcissus into the story much more smoothly, and the website feels even better and more slick than last time.
Your new story of Bata was super fun to read and was an interesting blend of two popular stories from the Arabian Nights. Using the Genie story as a framing narrative for the brothers was an incredible way of introducing a new story, and the sheer strength of that story helps to carry the framing narrative around it. As well, your original ending feels like justice for the poor merchants and old men, with this mystical superbeing sealing away the Genie to create the frame for yet another story down the road. My only piece of criticism to offer would be to try to ease the introduction to the story, so it feels like like jumping headfirst in.
Hey Kevin,
ReplyDeleteI really liked how your story has evolved and progressed since the last time I got the chance to read your stories! It's always really cool to see people refine themselves and become better at something. The website layout is a lot interactive and almost creates a world for the story to take place in and makes a cohesive flow that adds to the story even more. Your Bata story from Arabian Nights was so interesting and fun to read! The introduction really gets you straight into the story, the details you incorporate into the story, and the way you tell the story so smoothly about Bata thr trickster is really great! Good job!!
Your stories do a really good job at portraying the stories they are based off of. I've read of Echo and I've always love the tale about her. Your version is great and doesn't make you feel bad for echo and at all due to the amount of arrogance she's shown. I like your stroy "Bata's Story". I wish the introduction was a little more polish, I found myself getting lost in the wording a little bit, was Bata one of three old men next to the genie and a merchant? Or was Bata one of two old men? It's a tad confusing, but I like Bata's tale. I wish there was more reasoning behind Bata's dream in his story. It's unfortunate that Bata's wives always betray him, and that so many people are always out to kill him, even while he is in animal form, like geez can't he catch a break?
ReplyDeleteHey Kevin,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading the story about blue jay. I felt really bad for the poor bird when his sister passed. I think everybody can relate to the sadness death brings when a close one passes. So that part really hit home and I felt quite a bit of empathy for the bird. This week we are supposed to focus on the author's notes, so I just have a few quick comments to share with you about it. At first glance, your author's note is on the short side. I think, in general, they are supposed to be a little bit longer. I also have trouble making mine the full length because I sometimes think I have run out of stuff to share. Professor Gibbs does a good job of suggesting content for the Author's notes. Still, you made great use of the space you used. You quickly explained the differences in your story from the original, and shared the background of the story. All in all. you did great work. Keep it up, and enjoy the end of the semester!
Brady
I enjoyed reading your stories and I enjoyed reading the one about narcissis. It is so nice to read a fairy tale style mythology story and I also enjoyed reading your other stories. I did feel like you could have extended your stories a little more and expanded on your Author's note. I really enjoyed reading your material and look forward to reading more of your material as we finish this semester. good luck and enjoy the last few readings.
ReplyDeleteShaun
I read your story "Blue Jay". I thought it was generally adequate. It is written in a very somber and thoughtful tone. It's also very different from what I usually write; the writing is not streamlined or efficient, but the details such as what the skeletons are doing and that the Eaglehawk knew where Ioi was added to the story, probably by being very fitting, although I can't explain exactly why.
ReplyDeleteI also like Ioi's speech near the end. Despite being long, it is relatively compact, and generally fits the tone of the story. I could use a transition between these two paragraphs though.
"t was the most beautiful song Blue Jay had ever heard.
Years later, Blue Jay departed for the land of the dead and embraced death like an old friend."
It might be useful to explain how blue jay lives after he hears his sister's song again.
Hey Kevin!
ReplyDeleteWow, I am extremely impressed with your story about Echo and Narcissus--you flipped the characters around, making Echo the shallow one and Narcissus the deep one! I absolutely loved the ending when we find out that the lake is in love with itself--hilarious! Your writing style is beautiful and, as far as I could tell, flawless. As a reader, I felt totally engaged with your story and enjoyed how you added the parts about Vulcan and the lake and how you weren't afraid to make the story your own! I also read the story of Echo and Narcissus one week and really enjoyed them--but I actually like your version better! Great work on this and I am so excited to read the rest of your storybook stories and see how your project looks in the end! I love the images that you used and look forward to seeing what else you do with your website!
Hey Kevin,
ReplyDeleteI wanted to first comment on your paragraph spacing in the stories. I felt like overall they were the perfect length as it felt as if the story was flowing like a river while I was reading. I think that is a very important aspect, as it is such a big part of the story to the reader. Your spacing was great so good job on that. I also wanted to say how impressed I am with your descriptive writing, it really helped me visualize the stories and I could picture the Blue Jay perfectly in my head. I also like how the tone of your writing was, especially in that story. It felt unrushed if that is an adjective that I can use. It was very clear and to the point, but also didn't seem as if it was trying to accomplish something in too few words. Really good job overall and I hope you have a great rest of the semester as we slowly get closer to finals week.
Hi Kevin!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time visiting your site and now I'm upset with myself that it took me this long to get here. Your title is in no way misleading; your stories are remarkably captivating. In particular, I really like your take on the myth of Echo and Narcissus. The twist you put on the story about the lake showing Narcissus visions of Echo and seeing its own beautiful reflection in his eyes retains the same idea of unrequited love as the original story but cleverly shifts the way the reader empathizes with the characters. I also really enjoyed the role reversal between Narcissus and Echo. It takes and excellent writer to add seemingly simple changes that then make the story profoundly more affecting. Tremendous story. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Kevin!
First off, I love the layout and theme of your blog. The galaxy picture is really captivating and drew me in! I can tell you put a lot of time and thought into this story. Your attention to detail and the writing style really sets you apart from the rest! I loved your own interpretations of the story. It made it really easy to follow along and stay engaged. I can tell that you are experienced in web design and that played a huge asset in your blog! Great job and keep up the good work!
Hey Kevin!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to first start by saying that you have done a superb job with your project! The images and the dark colors fit so well together. It is so on theme. I really like the images you used. The detail in your stories make the reader feel like they are personally experiencing the story. I do not know if that makes sense. It is just how I felt reading your work. Your background in webdesign is clearly noticeable due to the elements that you incorporated into your portfolio.
Good luck with the rest of the semester!
Hey Kevin, I think this is the first time I’ve looked on your storybook since the first story, and I really liked what I found! I don’t think I was familiar with any of the stories you have, apart from the one of Echo and Narcissus, and they were all quite an enjoyable read! You definitely do a good job at combining two stories into one, with no seam to show where one story ends and the other begins. I especially liked the little tie-in you threw in for Aladdin at the end of your second story. I also liked how you made Blue Jay a little less mischievous than in the original story. It seems to me that swapping skulls wouldn’t end well at all! I think the last story was the best of all, especially when the new Valuer shows that he considers everything to be worth a measure of rice. Great job overall!
ReplyDeleteHey Kevin, I love your Portfolio. I don't think I've had the opportunity to look at it yet this semester but have to say that I absolutely love it! I'm so happy I got to take a look before the end of the semester. I really love the look and feel of your Portfolio. As soon as I saw it, I immediately got a space/galaxy theme. I love the images that you chose to portray on your site as well. The Blue Jay image is so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI read your Blue Jay story and absolutely loved it. You broke it down into short, simple paragraphs that are so easy and quick to read. I love this style. It definitely makes me feel as if the story goes by so much quicker and is such an easy read. I love the short, simple instances of dialogue that you used as well. Definitely makes it so much easier to understand each character and their motivations.
Hey Kevin!
ReplyDeleteI just read your story, "The Brave Little Bowman." I probably enjoyed reading your story just as much as you enjoyed writing it. I was impressed by the outcome of your mash up of two different story, especially how you engineered it in a way so that that moral is also derived from both stories.I'm no professional value-setter, but I think by combining the the stories, you increased their 'value' exponentially. This is really nit picky, but because your paragraphs are relatively short, I think if you would have tightened the text boxes up a little bit to elongate it vertically, it might look slightly cleaner. But besides minor design details, I thought your story was very well done.
Hello, Kevin!
ReplyDeleteIt pains me to say that I have actually never had the pleasure of reading your Portfolio before. I am glad that I was able to read it before the end of the semester. Based on your title alone, I can tell that I am in for a good time!
I noticed that you do not really have much in the way of an introduction. What information you do include on your homepage, however, is short and sweet. It gives the reader a general idea of what your Portfolio is all about. If I did have any recommendations for improvement, it would probably be to include at least a little bit of information about what each story is about.
Overall, I really liked all of your stories! They were very interesting, and, quite honestly, really creative! I know this is the end for this project, but you should continue nurturing your writing talent elsewhere!
Hi Kevin!
ReplyDeleteMy name is Corona and I have swung over here from the Epics of India section of the course. I am happy to be reading all of these wonderful stories. I think that you are a very good writer who puts in quite a bit of rich detail. Your Home page is sweet, simple, and to the point which is very nice. Each of your stories were nicely constructed, but I would put in more of a flow introduction at the beginning of each. You go straight to the meat of the story, which can be really good, but it also takes away the personal aspect for the reader. What I mean by this, is that the reader cannot necessary envision themselves within the text. Overall, I believe that you wrote very enchanting passages that anyone can enjoy. I believe my favorite would be "Bata's Story." Great job and good luck on finals!
Hey Kevin!
ReplyDeleteWelcome, once again, to the end of the world, or at least the class. I've came back to your story book to once again experience your excellent imagery and detail writing, and that's exactly what I've found here. Your tale of the blue Jay is well paced, and explains its purpose in simple but not demeaning terms. Your story mimics the original well, and your choice to exclude specific odd parts (the wife buying, particularly) helps to normalize the story to modern expectations, without scrubbing away cultural concerns and understanding.
All in all, you've created an excellent portfolio of stories here. You have grown visibly as a writer over this semester, and I'm sure the feedback you've received reflects that. Even the layout of your website has developed quietly this semester, with more improvements made here and there. Congrats on surviving the semester, and good luck with whatever direction you take in life.